


The French Revolution Was a Bloody Affair, Too

by misura



Category: Undead Is Very Hot Right Now Series - Sarah Rees Brennan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Aren't we all blood brothers?" Bradley gestured expansively. "Equals?"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The French Revolution Was a Bloody Affair, Too

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lc2l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lc2l/gifts).



> since I love these stories with much love, I just couldn't resist having a go at writing a bit of fic for them.
> 
> (as a treat, mind. I definitely didn't feel brave enough to sign up for this fandom.)

"Chris, I think you should drink my blood," Bradley said, and that was when Christian knew this was either going to be one of _those_ nights again, or a really bad dream.

Unfortunately, vampires didn't really seem to dream. Ever.

Fortunately, Christian's new edition of _The Responsible Citizen's Guide to Vampirism_ had thoughtfully covered exactly this topic, i.e. how to turn down would-be donors without offending their sensibilities. Christian still wasn't entirely convinced Bradley actually _had_ sensibilities, but he figured he couldn't go wrong using the government approved FOP method.

(It stood for Friendly, inOffensively and Politely. Christian couldn't help but feel someone had been paid a lot of money coming up with a 'joke-y, catchy' acronym.)

"Thank you for the offer, Bradley," Christian said. "It's really very kind of you and I appreciate this as an indication of the warm feelings you have regarding me. However - "

"Are you guys having a fight?" Pez asked. He was pouring what Christian hoped to be cereal into a bowl that was filled for a quarter with what Christian hoped to be milk. Of a really unusual color.

Bradley didn't seem to be noticing anything odd. "Of course we're not having a fight. Christian is just being stubborn."

Bradley probably didn't notice how often Christian restocked their supply of bath products, even if the baking powder seemed to be safe these days.

"I'm not being stubborn," Christian said. "I am simply disagreeing with you."

Bradley wagged a finger at him. "Now, Chris. You just told Pez we weren't having a fight. A disagreement is just a fight by any other name."

" _You_ said that we weren't having a fight." Christian glanced at Pez, whose attention had been fully absorbed by his probably-not-cereals.

"And we're not," Bradley said smoothly. "We're simply having a difference of opinions."

Josh shuffled into the kitchen, looking like a zombie - except not really, of course, because Christian was very well aware that real zombies were simply life-challenged individuals, deserving of his respect and consideration. (The _Guide_ advised using the term 'like a sleepy person' or, in extreme cases, 'like a really very sleepy person'.)

"Bradley, I'm not going to drink your blood, and that is final." Christian felt that statement was definitely very Firm, not particularly offensive and mostly Polite. It was all about setting boundaries.

"Chris, you're not being rational about this," Bradley said. "I mean, you drank _Josh's_ blood."

"In an emergency!" Christian managed not to yell. Yelling wouldn't help anything and, worse, it might alert Faye that Something was going on.

Christian didn't think Faye would take Bradley's side necessarily (if he did, he might as well give up now) but he was sure she'd blame him for the disagreement-not-fight in some way.

"Actions have consequences, Chris," Bradley said, looking serious.

In hindsight, Christian thought this might have been the moment to make a dramatic exit. Instead, what he foolishly said was: "I don't see why I should drink _your_ blood just because I drank Josh's," which was a double mistake, because firstly, it implied the matter was, in fact, open for discussion and secondly, it might be misinterpreted as a statement that while Christian was all right with drinking Josh's blood, he wasn't all right with drinking Bradley's.

(The fact that this last bit was, in fact, a perfect summary of the situation was entirely irrelevant.)

"Aww, Chris." Bradley looked very disappointed in him. "It's about group dynamics. Liberty, fraternity and equality."

Christian wasn't entirely sure what the French Revolution had to do with anything. He strongly suspected Bradley didn't know either, but he also knew Bradley would never let that stop him.

"Aren't we all blood brothers?" Bradley gestured expansively. "Equals?"

Josh looked like he was very glad he wasn't involved in this conversation.

"Elephants and pineapples, man," Pez said.

Bradley snapped his fingers and beamed at him. "Exactly!"

Pez stared at Bradley's fingers for several seconds. Christian realized he was probably waiting for some sort of magic trick to happen.

"Well, we're not exactly brothers," Christian said, once Pez had gone back to his cereals.

"Not _literally_ , no." Bradley was beginning to look slightly disappointed in him again. "But _figuratively. Metaphorically. Practically._ "

"So what you're saying is, you want me to drink Pez's blood, too?" Christian felt quite pleased with himself for having come up with that particular question.

Bradley had seen first-hand what drinking Pez's blood did to a vampire. There was no way he'd want to put Christian through that. Ergo, he was going to have to admit that no, he did not want Christian to drink Pez's blood. Ergo, Christian was right and Bradley was wrong.

"Yes," Bradley said. Josh looked appalled. "We'll ... filter it or something."

"You have no idea what you're talking about." A true enough statement, most of the time.

"Well, neither do you," Bradley said.

"I know very well what I'm talking about." They'd given Christian a lot of literature about blood at the re-education clinic. He'd felt faint just looking at the pictures.

" _I_ don't," an all-too-familiar voice said, "so maybe you boys would like to fill me in what all the ruckus is about." It wasn't really a question. It wasn't even a request.

Josh seemed to be attempting to turn himself invisible by hunching his shoulders. Pez seemed blissfully unaware of anything having happened at all.

Bradley, predictably, looked delighted. "Faye! I'm just telling Chris it's perfectly okay for him to accept a blood donation from me. He's looking a bit peeky, don't you think?"

Christian imagined he very well might be. Perhaps it had something to do with the way people insisted on wasting his time with a stupid argument instead of letting him get some food.

Faye's glance flickered to Christian briefly. Very briefly. If Christian hadn't been a vampire, he probably wouldn't have noticed it at all.

"A blood donation? Why, Bradley, what a wonderful idea."

Christian blinked. He was sure he'd misheard. Or maybe Faye was being sarcastic. She did that sometimes, although not often with Bradley. Also, there were usually signs. Little hints that Christian could pick up on.

There weren't any little signs now. Not big ones, either.

"Look, Faye," he started, because there were limits. He had _boundaries_. He wasn't just going to let her walk all over him the way she usually did, not this time. (In short, Christian thought despondently, he was probably going to die. Again.)

Faye looked at him. Christian decided that on second thought, his unlife wasn't so bad.

" _Not_ to Chris, of course," Faye said. "But I think it's a _very_ good idea to publicly donate some blood. For all of you." A beat. "Well, for Bradley and Josh."

Josh mumbled something so softly that even Christian's super-hearing couldn't pick up the exact words.

"Thank you, Josh," Faye said.

"Well, fine." Bradley's expression implied a pout might be forthcoming. "But I don't see why - "

"It will be great publicity, very good for your image," Faye said. "We'll alert some of the media - discretely, of course. And we'll put out the story that Chris, too, gets his blood from the blood banks."

"I do get my blood from the blood banks," Christian said. "I always have."

"Details." Faye gestured dismissively. "Be sure _not_ to mention that in the interview. Instead, mention how grateful you are to all these _completely anonymous_ people whose blood keeps you alive."

Christian did not point out that he was not technically alive.

"Fans will be _flocking_ to donate blood, all of them dreaming that maybe next time you take a snack, you will be feasting on _their_ blood."

Bradley sighed and switched on the microwave. No pout seemed to be materializing.

Josh relaxed again, which was to say he looked slightly less hunched over his sandwich.

Christian allowed himself to feel actually relieved at the way things had turned out. That, of course, was the moment when Faye snapped her fingers at him and said, "Chris, a word, please."


End file.
